Hello, If you are visiting this page then sadly you or someone you know and love has suffered the horrors of abuse. Whether it be physical, emotional, verbal, or sexual. This out of all the pages which I have designed for this site has been the most challenging, and personally the most difficult page to create. Because like you I too know what it feels like to have been abused. Some may ask why I decided to put this page on a website which is for support through Depression, anxiety or grief. Maybe a little of my story will help answer that question.
I grew up on our family farm way back in the 1960's and at the age of 11 years old, I was molested by a horrible man who worked on the farm. We had big barns, and one had a haymow in it. This was a big room on the second floor of the barn where all the hay bales were stacked. You can't imagine how much time I spent up there. Either playing with my sister and brother or simply by myself. I loved the smell of the hay, and I loved climbing on the bales and hiding in the great forts my brother would make. It became my sanctuary, my get away. My imagination would just soar when I was in the mow. One day, as I was standing at the highest point of the hay bales, looking out the window, I heard someone coming up the stairs. I just assumed that it was my brother. But it wasn't. It was a very big, very evil man who stole my innocence from me, leaving me frightened and broken inside.
Back in the 60's there weren't all the places and resources which we have today, so my pain was stuffed, not to be spoken of. Sadly today, even with the resources too many children and even adults live with their horrible secret, and it affects them so much. As a child I had a hard time trusting, and felt I just didn't fit in. I did things that I never understood how or why I could have done them. I became promiscuous as a young adult and had so many self-destructive tendencies. Even after marrying a wonderful man and having two great sons I still hated myself, and it carried over to my family. I knew for years that something was wrong, but I didn't know what. I knew that I should get counseling, not for the molestation,(at least I didn't think) because honestly, I had half forgotten it. I knew it had happened, but I didn't recognize it, if that makes any sense. I needed help for so much that was happening within me, anger, times when I just didn't want to live. Times when I felt absolutely nothing inside, nothing. And times when I would go in and out of depression which I could not control. I was never really happy,it's hard to be happy when you hate yourself. But I was afraid to get help, because I felt like I was a horrible person, and if anyone found that out, they would hate me and for some reason I was afraid they would take my kids. You see, I wore a mask most of my life. The face that most saw was smiling and nice and if you asked me how I was doing I would of course be fine. I was a kind person who would go out of the way to help others. But.....I was so afraid that people would discover the real me, the me that I hated, then they would hate me. If I did something kind for a stranger and they would say something kind about me, outwardly, I would smile and say thank-you, but inwardly I thought"If you only knew the real me, you wouldn't say that." My moral compass, my entire image of myself had become so horribly mixed up and turned around and inside out. I hated myself. Was I a bad person? No. But this kind of abuse makes you feel like you are bad.
Then after years of confusion and pain, I had my breakdown, which ultimately saved my life. For it was only after finally admitting I had depression and needed help, after I finally cried out to Jesus to guide me to the help I needed, after being brave enough to pick up the phone that special day and calling a Christian counselor, only after all that, was I able to start the journey to healing and recovery. And during this journey, I discovered something amazing. I was and am a really good person, because God created me, and "HE DON'T MAKE NO JUNK"! I began to trust my counselor, and finally talked about all that had happened to me. It wasn't fun, but it was the first step to healing. I learned and now know that I was a good person, I was an innocent child who did nothing wrong, and a very evil man stole my innocence. I DID NOTHING WRONG! And neither have you.
This is why I know that I need to put this page on this site. Because all depression, all anxiety, all grief, has roots. Something causes it. It can be a chemical imbalance, or it can be caused by something which happened to us in our past, or is happening to us right this moment. To heal, to become a whole person, we must discover what our personal roots are. And this is where I have to be so careful. We are not counselors. We do not have the knowledge in and of ourselves to help you. But we can be here for you, and let you know that you are not alone. That you did nothing wrong! It does not matter what form your abuse or that of your loved ones, takes. Physical, emotional, verbal, or sexual it is not your fault. You did nothing wrong. Please, believe that.
As I have said on other pages of this site, our prayer is to offer you as much hope and encouragement as we can. Which is why I have researched for days before sitting down to begin this page. I have discovered several wonderful sites which you can go to through our links which will offer you support, encouragement and emergency resources if needed. I have found videos on the subject of healing from abuse, which I have included. I have also chosen very special music for this page. And it is with continued help from some very special friends I have, who also know the horrors of abuse, especially sexual, that we will continue to be able to bring you even more support. Our prayers are with you.
First and foremost we want to make sure you are safe. Here is the phone # for the National Domestic Violence/Abuse Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) 1-800-787-3224 - TDD
All calls are confidential and you may remain anonymous if you need.
Here are some very special sites which we found: The first is www.namb.net/helplink/SX-ABRCV.asp This will take you to a page for recovery from sexual abuse (although there is information about other issues here also including physical abuse) - They discuss the long term effects of abuse, including depression and they also offer Hope. On the navigation bar on the left of the page if you click on "Crisis situations" you will be taken to a page where you can find answers to so many of your questions, such as 'How to cope with crisis" and "Why did God let this happen?" and many more. We hope that this site is helpful to you.
Another site which we found is: www.allaboutcounseling.com/domestic_violence.htm or www.allaboutcounseling.com/sexual_abuse.htm These sites have answers to many questions you may have about trauma, recovery, legal issues and more. We hope these sites help you during this time.
The following is a drama skit which tells us with humor and love just how much we mean to our Creator, God. We may feel like we are junk, because of things that have happened to us, or things that other's said about us or things that we have done, but God does not make junk. Even though you may not feel like it, You are God's masterpiece. Please watch this drama and believe with all your heart that you are loved.
This song is "Holy Water" by Big and Rich. It is a very special and beautiful song, written special for Big's sister, who had her innocence stolen from her. I hope that this song touches your heart and brings you hope and comfort.
"Broken Wing" Martina McBride sings this powerful and empowering song of a woman who has been torn down by her husband, the one who should be lifting her up. This song is so powerful and let's us know that we all can fly. Even with a broken wing.
I apologize for the advertisement which plays before the music. This was the only video I could find which would allow me to embed it . So please be patient.
Please if any one feels that they would like to contact us for prayers or just to tell us about yourself please feel free to contact us at: share_hope@hotmail.com We will contact you as soon as we can.
"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?.....No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us." Romans 8:35, 37
This is a video I found on Youtube called "Recovery from Sexual Abuse" The woman in the video feels like your next door neighbor, who has invited you into her kitchen for a cup a tea and a chat. She is quiet spoken and has such a calming voice and yet a sense of humor. She talks so down to earth about the traumas of abuse on both girls and boys and the hope of healing through unconditional love and being able to talk to someone you trust. I hope that you find as much through this video as I did.
This is a very powerful drama performed by a group of young people called "Ignite Ministries". When we have been abused, our self-esteem goes so far down and is replaced by so many negatives. We become weighed down in the chains of rejection, hate, alcohol and so much more. But there is one who can set us free. That is our Lord. God bless you.
The idea to do this very important page came one day as I was reading a Christian magazine for young people called "Ignite your faith" One page in the magazine is Questions and Answers, and one particular one caught my attention. I think that it is very important, so I am going to include it for you to read.
"HAS SHE BEEN ABUSED?"
Question: I'm dating a girl who I suspect is either being sexually abused or has been in the past. She won't talk about it, but she's hinted at it. Every time I ask her about it. she'll change the subject. Her friends say she'll talk about whatever this big secret is to females, but not guys. I want to help her. but how can I if she won't talk? What should I do?
Answer: Let me start with what you shouldn't do. You shouldn't handle this on your own. If she has been abused, she needs to work this out with a professional Christian counselor. that person will help her determine what and how she talks about this issue with other people - including you. She has given you clear signals that she doesn't want to share this part of her life with you, at least not yet. So stop pressing her. If she'll talk to her friends about it, then tell them to encourage her to seek help from her youth pastor, a school social worker or counselor, or any other trusted adult.
Here is something very important to keep in mind: If your girlfriend has been sexually abused, her sense of what's respectful and loving has been damaged. You can be a source of healing by respecting her physical boundaries and setting some of your own. Show her what true care and trust and respect look like. Pray for her and know that God will be with her as she works through this.
Sexual abuse causes emotional pain, most victims can barely even understand, much less talk about with their friends. Her reluctance to talk is no reflection of her feelings for you. so support her as she works through this issue, encourage her to tell the right people, and show you care for her no matter what.
Ignite says: We hope your girlfriend will find the help she needs. If abuse victims feel they have nowhere to turn, we recommend they call the National Sexual Assault Hotline, 1-800-656-HOPE, or get recommendations of local Christian counselors at 1-800-New-Life.
(written by Carla, and editor of the Teen Devotional Bible)
So far most of what we have been discussing is abuse to girls or women, but boys and even men have suffered at the hands of others. They however may feel ashamed to come forward, for fear of what others will say about them. A very courageous young man named Chris set up the two websites below, because he is one of the boys who had suffered horrible abuse, and is not only a survivor, but so much more. You need not be ashamed. You did nothing wrong. For men or women who have been abused Chris has a wonderful website. www.menspeakoutnow.com and www.womenspeakoutnow.com
"What breath is to the physical body, hope is to the human spirit. Hope is what consoles us. It is the fuel that energizes us, gets us up in the morning , and propels us through the day." -Bernard Meltzer, professor emeritus of law, University of Chicago
"The beaten heart" is a sad, yet powerful video which is a tribute to domestic violence victims. From victims to survivors - out of the depths of darkness and into the light again.
SURVIVORS POEM
Take my hand and walk with me, together- we are strong! Reach out and hold on tight-healing the memories of the wrong! For those who crossed our path - to abuse, destroy and attack- We know that God is with us, as our enemies will be paid back. Perpetrators will pay Eternally for terror caused to the innocent, and we will march atop their heads with a mighty testament! Together we are mighty, together we are atrong! Together we are family, and the world will hear our song!
Earlier I mentioned that boys and men as well as girls and women have suffered abuse. These boys grow into men and live their lives, hurt, battered and scarred. We may know him, he is the husband and father next door. The fireman who endangers his life to save yours. He may be the kid who lives down the street who just seems lost. He has so many faces and so many stories. As with each and everyone of us he is a warrior and also a child. No matter how big, or strong he may appear outwardly, there is still that child inside. This is a beautiful and power song called, "The warrior is a child". I hope it touches you.
These next sites are specifically for those who have suffered from sexual abuse and those who have children coping with recovery from child abuse. The first is: www.lifetoolsforwomen.com/p/theroadtorecovery.htm
The other site is: www.web4health.info/en/answers/sex-abuse-effects-psy.htm This site has much needed information on the treatment of PTSD - child abuse recovery, coping with sexual abuse. Also a 3 phase model treatment of people who have been sexually abused, or through other devastating trauma is described.
And yet another site: www.snadf.org/ "Survivors and Friends" is a non-profit organization that was founded by Annie, a survivor of sexual abuse herself. Survivors and Friends provide, hope, information and support for survivors of Sexual abuse, for their friend and for their families.
We hope that the information on these sites may bring hope, comfort, encouragement and even the emergency support that you may need. Please know that you are not alone.
